tsaka na lang…pag may oras ka na para sa akin at para hindi parang pilit ang pagbibigay mo ng oras sa akin.

tsaka na lang…pag alam mo kung ano ang pagkakaiba ko sa mga kaibigan, kabarkada at iba pang bagay na pinagkakaabalahan mo.

tsaka na lang…pag hindi mo na ako kayang saktan.

tsaka na lang…pag kaya mo ng tuparin mga pangako mo sa akin.

tsaka na lang…pag kaya mo na akong hindi ihuli sa iba mo bang pinagkakaabalahan.

tsaka na lang…pag kaya mo na akong gawing parte ng buhay mo.

tsaka na lang…pag alam mo ng hindi mo pala kayang mawala ako sa buhay mo.

tsaka na lang…pag kaya mo ng iparamdam sa akin na naaappreciate mo lahat ng binibigay at ginagawa ko para sa iyo at sa ating dalawa.

tsaka na lang…pag kaya mo ng ipagmalaki sa buong mundo na ako ang mahal mo.

tsaka na lang…pag lahat gagawin mo maging masaya lang ako at maramdaman kong importante ako sa iyo.

tsaka na lang…pag consistent ka na sa mga actions mo sa tuwing sasabihin mo sa aking aayusin natin lahat ito

tsaka na lang…pag talagang decided ka na na ako ang gusto mong makasama buong buhay mo.
kasi ngayon, pagod na ako.

masakit na mata ko kakaiyak.

masakit na din dibdib ko.

masakit na din ulo ko kasi nalilito ako sa pagkakaiba ng mga sinasabi mo at ginagawa mo.

masakit na din umasa, tapos sa bandang huli wala din palang mapapala.

masakit din kasi maniwala sa mga sinasabi mo ngayon, pero bukas iba na pala.

ang sakit-sakit na kasi.

kaya tsaka nalang…pag kaya ko na ding mawala ka para hindi na ganun kasakit.

at tsaka na lang…pag hindi na kita masyadong mahal.

anyways…while waiting for something to do work-related…i browsed thru my friendster list it’s been a long time since the last time i checked on my friends’ profiles. some haven’t changed at all..pero a lot of them did. some are already married, even posted their wedding pictures…i found myself browsing thru the pics, and to be honest, i feel kinda envious. but of course, i am happy for them! hindi naman inggit na galit ako, of course not. i may not be happy with my own love life (or the lack of it) but i can still say that i am happy that for those who have found it. nakakatuwa…i mean, some of them are those people who were broken-hearted before…i’ve known some who even said they stopped believing in love, pero ayun…they found the reason to believe in it once again, and who knows..maybe forever di ba?

i can’t stop myself from feeling kinda inggit. i even found myself telling myself “i wish i can be in that picture too..” or “i wish someday, i’d be walking down the aisle too” or “i wish someday, somebody will hold my hand and promise me forever…” and actually mean it of course! (sighs)

for some naman, i see pictures of their babies. some of them are single parents, pero seeing them in those pictures with their babies, i can tell that they are happy too. if not their babies naman, i see pictures of their significant other…boyfriends, girlfriends…gosh, gusto ko tuloy mahiya puro pagmumukha ko nasa photo gallery ko. i even saw one guy who posted a picture of her girlfriend with the caption “my future” (awwww)
i dunno if it’s me or what…pero while browsing, it’s like they were saying “hey, we are happy…and you’re not!” right to my face. or maybe it’s just another day when i feel so down and so alone. maybe that’s why i decided to go home despite the fact that the connection here kills me that it takes me forever to do my stuff when i connect to my computer in the office. or maybe, they’re right…they’re happy and im not.

isang mahabang HAYYYY….

yep, supposedly…but i am not. actually, i was pero “mejo” tapos ko na tasks ko for today so wait muna ako. today is thanksgiving in the US, and since my lead developer is in the US, i asked her if i can just work from home…besides, i don’t have anything urgent to do. luckily she said yes. so i went home. eto, online pa din while the rest of the people are sleeping already. and tomorrow, ako naman ang tulog.

by the way, i got another haircut. yep, hindi nakatiis. well, people are saying this one’s better. the first wasn’t. they say its so not me…mukha daw akong mabait. ^_^ at hindi daw bagay (ngek). so before going home, i decided to get a haircut. i tried ystilo salon, a block away from the condo. okay naman ang gupit, i look like a victoria beckham- wannabee. hahahah

wish ko lang…

wow mali?

dang…wag naman sana! if it is, that would mean i have to go and get another…haircut?

i had a haircut last weekend, hindi pa ako, i got some hairlights too. i dunno, i feel like i don’t like it. i look different…i look fatter! (waaaaaaa!) anyways, i’m gonna give it a few more days..pag ganun pa din, argh what the heck, papatabas ako ulit.

last sunday, after meeting up with odette (who’s enjoying singapore now, sigh) i watched “One More Chance” with you-know-who. (laughs) he’s so funny…imagine, he was in a blue sleeveless shirt and jeans with matching slippers. he really look siga and all, and there he was…watching the movie with me. when the movie was over, he was such in a hurry to get out of the cinema at nakakahiya daw. LOL you know naman guys, some of them aren’t proud to be seen watching this sort of movie…e ayaw ko pang lumabas ng sine, pang-asar ba. so he said we’ll just gonna stay til everybody’s out. hahaha…pero siyempre, being the sutil that i am…just when almost everybody is on their way out, i told him we gotta go. and yep, shempre ayaw nya…i was really laughing hard that time kasi he really looked embarassed and all, so i said “huy, tama na…wala ng kasunod yan, let’s just watch it again tomorrow if you want” as loud as i can. wehehehe…there were couples who heard that and they gave him a look and i swear, i saw them laughing too. buti na lang hindi pikon si voldemort, nakikitawa na lang siya. i even told him that i think it would be better if he would pretend to be gay by swaying his hips while walking…that way, it would be more understandable why a guy-looking like him watched that movie. it made us laugh harder kasi nga, the way he was dressed, there’s no way he’d be able to pull that off. wahahaha

i enjoyed the movie and the laughs i had with you-know-who. i missed laughing like that, and making fun of him like that. LOL

anyways, the movie is great. i think most couples would be able to relate to the story. i did…but i would say, i’d be more of john lloyd’s character. he did everything and gave everything, but she left her so she could find herself. buti na lang, wala talagang 3rd party kundi naku..sounds familiar na talga. wahahha. anyways, a lot can be learned in this movie. for one, don’t ever ever lose your own identity when in a relationship. this is what happened with bea’s character, which made her decide to go on her own. second, be really sure that you want to let go. dont think that you can always get back what you’ve given away. third, if there’s a problem…talk about it and do something about it. staying mum won’t do you any good. it’ll just probably make things worse. fourth, don’t take people for granted…most especially those people who loves you and stays with you. lastly, if you love somebody…set him free. kung kayo, kayo pa din talga in the end.

gosh, i can go on and on about it. but one thing i won’t forget in this movie is if two people are destined to be with each other..no matter what happens, they will still find each other.

kaka-inlababo!

finally...

it’s already past 3am and i’m still up…hehhe, weekend eh but instead of being out on a gimmick, eto i’m watching (not really watching, la lang choice kasi i don’t have a cable) Walang tulugan while waiting for my pictures to be uploaded sa friendster. While waiting, i decided to blog natin and make kwento of what i did kanina (as if there’s anything interesting, hehhe)

i woke up around 330pm and i remembered that i was planning to go to the gym all weekend and probably get a massage after. for days, i was scouting for where i can get a good body scrub and massage. i wish i can avail the royal javanese bath of The Spa where i can soak in a milkbath with roses pero ang mahal eh. kuripot ako, heehhe but i promised myself that i’ll avail that soon. Siguro, i’ll get that as a Xmas present for myself. For now, i decided to try the massage at Fitness First but i wanted to get a haircut first. So at past 5, i was already at Piandre-pplsupport to have my haircut. Nothing extraordinary naman….i just want to have a “porma” sa hair ko. Wala na kasing kaitsu-itsura. I’ll post a pic here one of these days.

At 630, i was at the gym na and i was planning to hit the threadmill first and then go to the jacuzzi and sauna buti na lang i decided to inquire about the massage muna. til 8pm lang pala sila..so i had no choice but to have the scrub and massage na lang…i so wanted to stay pa naman sa sauna after an hour or so sa threadmill…oh well.

So i got the pumpkin body scrub, avocado hair spa and swedish massage. it was good actually…my skin’s so soft after. pero the massage isn’t comparable to what i had when i first went for a massage. yung kanina is parang wala lang…or so-so. but i felt relaxed naman so okay na din.

i wanted to go to the mall, grab dinner and watch a movie pero the movie i wanted to see isn’t being shown at GB3. i don’t wanna go to G4 naman na mag-isa, though i used to do that. So ayun, i just grab a sandwich at Earle’s delicatessen then went home.

i know the way i spent my saturday isn’t that thrilling or exciting like the other or like the way they used to be…pero i must say i like it this way. i’d rather spend time at home watching tv or just tinkering with my abubots than being out drinking. ewan ko ba, tumatanda na nga ata talaga ako. but i’m also looking forward to doing that paminsan-minsan…pero walang chance eh. i mean my friends who i used to go out with hindi na din mahilig sa gimik. most of us would rather spend the weekend being at home and watch DVDs. ehehhehe, matatandang dalaga na nga kami.

anyways, i’m planning to get highlights for my newly-cut hair and prolly a mani-pedi later. i so wanna pamper myself. i also wanna go and buy a new pair of sandals…hay, sana i can gather all my courage to watch a movie at G4 alone. oh well…so that’s how a soon-to-be-oldmaid spends her weekend hhehhe..
ciao!

Boring...

i know there are people who enjoys getting paid for doing practically nothing in the office…not that i am trying to be noble or modest at that, but i can say i am definitely not one of them. people who really know me would say that i’d prefer being buried in a pile of tasks than surfing the internet for whatever that would interest me. don’t get me wrong here, i do surf, chat too…and i can do it while being busy with work. i just love multitasking and i can say i am kinda good with it.

it’s been 3 days of just sitting here and reading various stories posted by my most recent favorite writer…i dunno what her real name is but she is really a good writer. i saw her works in GT (www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk) and i could say that she makes me want to fall in love again and look for my own shinta, derek and sean (read her works and you’ll know who they are). i think i’m gonna add her blog site too here so you can check the stories too. so, not that i am complaining of not doing anything and being stucked with her stories that i LOVE but this isn’t me. i can’t stay in the office and not work! i feel so…useless! so dumb and yeah, unwanted. i know some of you there would tell me i’m lucky to do nothing and get paid but, arrghh..maybe i’m such a martyr, or a masochist. basta, i love to work…not that i love my work. basta i love being busy! it helps me take off my mind from my so-called life na super boring.

hay…

i hate my boss for ignoring me. i’ve been sending a lot of emails asking for something to do, or to follow-up on some tasks but i get nothing. nadah…langya, pati ba naman sa trabaho invisible na din ako. Grrr…

sighs…

i bet, she wouldnt even notice if i don’t come in to work. i’ve been wanting to, kaso sayang naman leaves ko no. and besides, what will i do at home? sleep-eat-watch DVD? sheeett…i am such in a bad need of a social-life!!!

help me have one!

tired...

yes, i’m so damn tired. and this isn’t because of work since i was practically doing nothing all night except for reading a manga story which i find truly sobrang nakakakilig that i can’t stop. it was too late for me to realize that here i am again, falling in love with somebody else’s love story…what can i do? i only get to get kilig with somebody else’s, since i don’t have anything nakakakilig to share. drat! reading these kind of stories make me a fool for love all the more
so why the hell am i tired?

because of a lot of things…but mainly on trying so damn much to pretty much please almost everybody. i try so hard to do things to meet other people’s expectation of me. i try so hard to make all things possible, not minding if it causes me too much stress, anxiety and even anger. i even try to exceed what’s expected of me…and make sure that i give my best in everything i do. but what’s not good is i expect them to do just the same, that i end up frustrated and disappointed and most of all, hurt.

sometimes in doing so, i even try to fool myself and act as if i am okay even though in reality i am hurting so bad. the worst thing i can do is tell them i hate them or hate the things they want me to do, but i always find myself doing those things all over again. it makes me think that sometimes, i dont really mean what i say. is it lying? maybe so…i’m lying to them because i tell them i hate them for making things hard for me, but i continue doing it for i know it makes them happy. so maybe, i have been lying to myself all this time.

they say, that when you get tired…STOP. i’ve always wanted to do this. just stop…stop trying, stop pleasing people and stop hurting myself by not trying to push myself too hard. maybe i’ll try to be like them…expect others to do what i expect of them. to try a little, and if it doesn’t work, then i’ll stop and leave it up to them. or maybe just stop trying and do nothing.
for weeks now, i hardly get to sleep. if i do, it would be 5hours at most. i spend most of my “sleep time” lying in my bed thinking about a lot of things. all sorts…work, family, friends and love life (or the lack of it). sometimes i feel the nerves on my head thumping…it hurts so bad, and all i want is to go to sleep forever so i can stop worrying about things…about people who obviously don’t worry about me. sometimes i think that i am just wasting my time…but how can you be wasting time on things that matter to you?

little by little i get to realize that i am not only making things harder for myself…but for them as well. maybe i need to make myself unavailable for some time. if they can do it most of the time, then maybe i can do it as well…if not better.

:(

Knocked up…

Okay, now let me talk about the movie i was telling you all about nights ago. Actors are not really famous (feel free to correct me just in case), the only actress i get to recognized was the character played by the sister Debbie. And before anything else, let me first say that Katherine Heigl is so dammmnn gorgeous! Nice face, sexy body…hot! (okay, i’m beginning to sound weird now)

This is a story of two people who met in a club, got drunk and had sex: a typical one-night stand. But i am not sure if because of being too horny or simple stupidity (apparently, boy didn’t understand when girl said just do it!) boy didn’t use a condom and so after 2mos, girl tells boy: I AM PREGNANT!

Surprisingly, they didn’t consider to abort the baby despite of their obvious differences: Allison just got promoted and has a very promising career ahead of her and aside from that, she is drop-dead gorgeous, witty and rich. On the other hand, Ben doesn’t have a job, loves to get high, has a totally foul mouth and lives with a number of other horny and foul-mouthed people like him.

They tried to work things out by spending more time together, until they got very close until Ben proposed but did nothing to improve or at least change his way of living. Eventually, they fought and Allison decided to raise the baby on her own. After a short trip to Vegas, Ben realized that he needs to do something about his life if he wants to get Allison back. He got a job, an apartment, a car and started to read books on how to be a father to a new-born baby and other books that he and Allison bought. The scene where he was reading these books instead of choosing to go out with his friends is another tear-jerker for me. Babaw ba? hehehe, well i find it sweet.

Things turned out well in the end, of course. I am not sure whether they got married but it sure looked that they have a “happy ever after.’
I got to see and realized many things in this movie:

1. Two totally different people might work things out after all. Most especially if they love each other and they compromise. So i guess, compatibility isn’t really an issue when there is love.

2. I was so touched when Ben was on his knee, brought out a box and proposed to Allison…but box is empty. What touched me was when he told Allison that he will save for the ring that she truly deserves and for now he just wants to do the right thing. (Awww…)

3. A person no matter how irresponsible and immature he is will change as soon as he realized he wants to change. No person can change you unless you get to realize you need to. In the end, Ben decided to be an adult and start getting a “life” to make it better for him and Allison and their baby. His love to Allison made decide to be a better man. (hayy…nakaka-inlababo!)

4. Sometimes, life isn’t all about money or careers. In this movie, Allison just got promoted and getting pregnant might get her fired but she decided to have the baby. In the end, she got both.
O di ba…ganda ng movie? It made me realize that well, maybe there is still hope for me.

—————————

TGIS!

Yeyyy…weekend na naman! Buhay baboy na naman ito. Kain-tulog. :) But i’m thinking of getting a massage just because i feel like i am overly stressed na with work and with my so-called life! Grabe na sa kaboringan ang buhay ko…i wanna go out and enjoy, pero natatamad naman ako. And besides, gone are the days when i would prefer going to bars and getting drunk. Itutulog ko na lang.

I do have plans this afternoon though. I’d be attending the Mineral Makeup day of Sophie. I’ve been telling her that i’d attend pero i kept on breaking my promise…but this time i really wanna attend. Maybe if matapos na maaga, i can have then a massage. Hay wish ko lang.

Anyhoo…happy weekend to everybody!

on this same day, 14 years ago Monday around 8PM…he called and the girl picked up.

Girl: Hello?

Boy: Oy, pinapatawag mo daw ako? Bakit? (hey, they said you wanted me to call you? what’s up?)

Girl: Wala lang (Nothing)

*but honestly, he sucked for trying to pretend he doesnt know why

Boy: Ano nga eh…sabi nila tawagan daw kita. May sasabihin ka? (What is it, your friends told me you wanted me to call…is there anything you want to say?)

*still trying hard, but he still sucked

Girl: E alam mo naman na nga, kunwari pa to! (As if you dont know yet…stop pretending!)

Boy: Ano nga? (What is it?)

Girl: Hmmp..OO na. (Yes)

Boy: Anong oo? (what do you mean by yes?)

Girl: Nakakainis ka na ha. Alam mo na yun! (You’re starting to annoy me. you know what i was talking about)

Boy: (laughs) Talaga? O sige walang bawian ha.. (Really? No kidding? No turning back now, okay?)

Girl: Oo na nga! Sige na, babay na tawag na ako ni mommy (I said yes, didn’t I? Gotta go now, mom’s calling me)

Boy: Okay…see you tomorrow. Bye!

Girl: Bye

Right after putting down the phone, girl wanted to call him and take it back. Besides, she haven’t asked approval from her mom yet and for sure she’ll get mad. But what the heck, she can take it back after fulfilling his promise of taking her friends out to Jollibee. (hehhe, yep big deal)

She went to her room…she felt cold…anxious…scared…embarrassed. Not to mention guilty for not seeking approval from her mom first. But at the same time, she was somehow excited.

“Geesh, my first boyfriend”

The way she gave him the big Yes might not have been that romantic at all…and there even were thoughts that the relationship might turn out not to be a big deal after all.

“Di yan seryosohan…maghihiwalay din yan” (It’s nothing serious, they’ll separate soon)

Those thoughts were acceptable because back then, who would ever imagine that this relationship with unromantic beginnings will last more than a decade?

Too bad, it ended a year ago.

so far, what is the best compliment you ever got? It could be ”you’re the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen” or “you’re the best thing that ever happened to me” amongst others. If you’re gonna ask me, let me first say that I’m not good in taking compliments, so i can’t really specify what’s the best compliment i ever got. If people give me compliments, instead of saying thank you or at least feel flattered, i give out a smirt in return. I know that isn’t a good way to respond to compliments, it’s just that i’d feel more conscious or even think it’s some sort of sarcastic remark. hehehe, and i say i trust people too much, eh? (grins)

anyways, i watched “As good as it gets” today. I am an OC myself but oh boy, i am thankful that i am not as bad as him. He’s way too OC. Okay, i think the farthest i can get is making sure that my towel is left hanging properly on the chair next to my bed. i tell you, if i see that towel with one end not hanging on the chair like the other end, i can never get to sleep. another would be if i see my shoe boxes not properly stacked. sometimes i try to fight the urge to fix them, but i will always end up doing so. geesshh…do i already need a psychiatrist?

okay, going back to my question…i asked because in the movie, Jack assured that he’d be able to give Helen a good, if not the best compliment she’ll ever get. I was actually expecting that he’d praise her for wearing such a nice dress that flaunt her features but nope…what did he tell her then?

“You make me wanna be a better man.”

Awww…i was teary-eyed (okay, aside from being an OC, you can call me corny). Can you imagine your man telling you that? I would die right there and then if i hear these words. We all know that real Love should bring out the best in all of us, di ba? It’s like being inspired to do just all the good things. You give this particular man in your life the will to do great and be the best in everything he does. You inspire him…can anything be sweeter than that?
hayy…

Okay, you can now add “daydreamer” on your list of “about jheng.”

WAHHHH...

today’s the last day of my 4-day vacation…and yet, i still don’t want to go back to manila. huhuhu…i want to extend! though i have the option to work at home, my internet connection kills me and it sucks most esp when i have lots of work to do. so i got no choice but to bring my ass in the office. grrr…oh well, reality bites. and in reality, i’m just a noble employee who needs to work even i don’t want to.


for sure, i’m gonna miss being at home. nothing can beat the feeling of being at your own home, with your family. my next vacay would be on december, for xmas break (wah, ang tagaaal pa)


sniff…sniff…


which reminds me…what if i accepted the job offer in malaysia? if i accepted it, i’d be on my first month there. i’m wondering what could have happen to me. i would love to have the additional pay but i don’t think i’m ready to leave my family over here just yet. but next year, i’d be pursuing my plans of getting a job abroad…maybe singapore. i’m not getting any younger and i need to get my ass going if i want to accomplish anything. besides, i have my sister and my pinsan to send to college. not that i am complaining, this is something i’ve told myself to be doing years ago.


it makes me think that life gets harder as you grom old. years ago, i’ve never thought life could be this hard. looking back, i only worry about school projects, allowances and boys. hhhehhe…but now, i seem to forget even about boys. seriously! i used to worry about me getting married, how many kids i’m gonna have or where i am going to live with my own family. but things have changed. i don’t know if this is good, though.


again, i am not complaining. i believe that everything will fall into places soon with God’s grace. i love my family and what could be more rewarding than being able to help your family, ayt?
so there…gotta go now. me and my sis are watching this horror movie in one of our local channels. but before that lemme post here my most recent fave pic of who else? meee!


here it is…edited using Nero Snap viewer: